YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
