If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize