erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
