I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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