I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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