at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I touched a dick in church today
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
