So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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