ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
