just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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