That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
