i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
