I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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