Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
