So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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