The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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