My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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