I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
