you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
