im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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