So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
