I can text with my tongue
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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