well I can't set my house on fire every night
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
