He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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