Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
