I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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