My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
