he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
