I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize