..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
