Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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