i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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