I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
