that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
