he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
