The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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