Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
They are going to name an STD after you.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
