My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
They should really pass out barf bags in church
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize