Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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