There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
