My vagina just recognized that song.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
