Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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