he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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