the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
