Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
