The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
