Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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