i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
