That's intense
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
