They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
