dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
