His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
