i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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