we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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