bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
