I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
