She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
