God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
