Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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