I'll bet she douches with gravy.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
