He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
