I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
