flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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