um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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