Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
