Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
