im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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