I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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