what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
